


Lady, You Bug Me

by Ladytalon



Category: Firefly
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2010-06-08
Updated: 2010-06-08
Packaged: 2017-10-10 00:10:30
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,418
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/93080
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ladytalon/pseuds/Ladytalon
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It never would have happened if Wash hadn't dropped his end of the crate...</p>
            </blockquote>





	Lady, You Bug Me

  


  


  
  
  
**Title:** Lady, You Bug Me  
**Author:** [](http://ladytalon1.livejournal.com/profile)[**ladytalon1**](http://ladytalon1.livejournal.com/)  
**Fandom:** Firefly  
**Pairing/Characters:** Jayne/Kaylee, crew  
**Rating:** PG-13  
**Disclaimer:** Not mine, not making any $$  
**Summary:** It never would have happened if Wash hadn't dropped his end of the crate...  
**Prompt:** [](http://community.livejournal.com/10_cracks/profile)[**10_cracks**](http://community.livejournal.com/10_cracks/) prompt table A, prompt 1: the cargo gets loose on the ship  
**Word Count:** 1,363

  


_   
**Lady, You Bug Me**   
_

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"That there's the last bit, Mal," Jayne hollered, hooking a thumb over his shoulder at the crate being wrestled into place by Wash and Kaylee. Mal lifted a hand in acknowledgement and turned back to Monty, and Jayne crossed the cargo hold in three long strides to take Kaylee's side of the cargo. "I got it."

Kaylee relinquished her hold, dragging her sleeve across her sweat and grease-stained face. "Thanks, _wenshen_. It's heavier'n I thought it would be."

"How about saving me by taking up _my_ end, Lambie Toes?" Wash asked Zoë hopefully.

The first mate simply smiled and leaned a hip against a nearby crate. "You look like you can handle it, Dear."

Wash sighed. "I was afraid of that."

"C'mon, Lil' Man – sooner we get this _gos se_ stacked proper, sooner we can get the hell offa this rock," Jayne encouraged, giving the crate a slight push towards the pilot. Unfortunately, the shove caught Wash off balance and the corner of the box hit the deck with a sharp crack. "Now look at what you done," the merc sighed, shaking his head as if he hadn't caused the accident in the first place.

"It was your fault," Wash pointed out.

"Well, if'n ya weren't so _teeny_ then maybe-" Jayne subsided at the feminine glares being aimed at him from two different directions, and quickly bent to grasp the crate once more. "Let's just get the damn thing moved," he grumbled. After getting it situated, Jayne locked his fingers together and extended his arms out in a bone-popping stretch. "We gonna get gone, or…" he trailed off as he caught sight of a small bug scuttling out from the bulkhead they'd placed the crates beside. "Where'd that come from?"

He walked over and flattened it, drawing an outraged cry from Kaylee. "Why'd ya have to stomp on the poor thing? Coulda just shooed it off," the mechanic berated him.

Jayne shook his head in disbelief – the girl would give passenger space to a Reaver, she was so kind-hearted. "Came from them crates," he said thoughtfully, dropping to a crouch next to the slightly damaged crate and poking a finger at the cracked corner. He snatched his hand back immediately when, out of the splintered wood, a steady stream of insects began to pour out. "_ Gaoyang zhong de guying!_"

"Ain't no call to be-" Kaylee's brown eyes widened to the size of dinner plates as she took in the sight of their cargo going on the lam, and she slowly drew her feet up from the floor. "Jayne…?"

The merc backed away from the crate, his eyes locked on the spreading pool of bugs as he tried to figure out how to stomp them all. "Yeah?"

"Why we haulin' all them bitty lil' bugs?"

"_ Wo de ma he ta de fengkuang de waisheng **dou**_, where'd they come from?" Wash yelped, finally realizing what was happening. He leaped up beside Kaylee. "Can we – and when I say 'we', I mean 'you' - escort them _out_ of here?!?!"

Jayne glanced over at Zoë, who was loading her gun. "Zo, what the hell you doin'?"

"Can't abide things with more than two legs; never have," the first mate said calmly.

She took aim just as a few of the bugs began to crawl up Jayne's boots –he shook them off, but was tempted to draw his own gun when one of them succeeded in infiltrating his cargo pants. "_Tamade!_ Ruttin' things _bite!_"

A giggle from the catwalk made them all look up to see River hanging over the railing, watching the show. "They know you mean no good. Don't like being penned up."

"Let's see how much they 'd prefer bein' dead, then," Zoë said, swinging the barrel of her gun back down to the floor of the cargo hold.

"What in the Sam Hell's goin' on in here? I leave you folks be for five minutes-" Mal looked around at Wash and Kaylee perched on top of a crate, Jayne slapping at himself wildly, and Zoë attempting to open fire upon a mound of ants. "Zoë?"

"Sir?"

"You wanna be tellin' me why you're fixin' to exterminate our cargo with that shotgun?"

"They've got more than two legs, Sir."

"_Wode tian_, I can't get 'em off," Jayne bellowed.

"This is a nightmare," Wash commented as an aside to Kaylee, who nodded in agreement.

Mal pinched the bridge of his nose between his fingers and shook his head. "Albatross, if you don't mind…"

River laughed again and descended the stairs with a small bottle of something in her hands – Kaylee shooed away a steady stream of bugs intent upon exploring what was atop the crate both she and Wash were huddled on. The Reader poured a thin stream of liquid leading away from the rest of the crew, and back towards the damaged corner of the crate. "Sweet to counteract the sourness," she smiled, pointedly ignoring Jayne who had pulled his shirt off and was scratching at himself desperately.

"They're ruttin' everywhere!"

When River had lured the rest of the bugs back in the crate with the sugar water, they all watched as the breached corner was sealed and Mal shook his head at them. "Look at yourselves, every one'a ya. Never woulda thought you'd cause such an almighty ruckus over little things like that."

Jayne was still scratching. "Why we haulin' them gorram things, anyway?"

"Does anyone happen to remember my suggestion about beagles?"

The captain smirked. "You got somethin' against gettin' paid?"

Zoë eyed him with an expression that Wash was all too familiar with, but Mal didn't seem to sense the danger. "Let's all hope that it's not long until we dump the cargo, Sir." She pointedly stepped on a stray bug on her way over to Wash. "Be a good idea to get there soon as possible, Dear."

"Do you see me arguing with that?"

The married couple left the hold and Mal frowned as he closed the hatch, turning to see his mercenary fumbling at his belt. "Jayne, no one needs to see that."

"I swear I still got some of them bitty things in m'shorts, Mal," Jayne protested.

Deciding the coast was finally clear, Kaylee hopped down from her perch and tugged at Jayne's arm. "C'mon an' take a shower real quick while I get us ready for takeoff."

The entire crew breathed easier when they left the small moon behind, on their way to rid themselves of the cargo inhabiting their hold. They sat around the table eating, Wash scowling slightly as Mal informed Simon and Inara of the fun they'd missed. "You shoulda seen 'em all – Jayne was hoppin' around like crazy, and the rest of 'em…"

"Sounds like a fun time was had by all," Simon said diplomatically, scooting his chair away from Jayne as the merc eyed him suspiciously. "I'm truly sorry to have missed it."

"River got everything settled down real quick-like," Kaylee offered. "She's a wonder, that one."

Simon smiled over at his sister, who straightened in her chair at the praise. "Yes. She is."

"Leastaways, ya know why I ain't for scootin' no bugs to safety – better ta just stomp on 'em soon's you see one," Jayne commented with a glance at Kaylee.

"Anything more than two legs is too much," Zoë murmured, reaching across for the basket of rolls.

"I'm with Zo on this one," the merc nodded. "Only good bug's a dead bug."

Wash shook his head. "I can't believe I'm actually agreeing with Jayne. Though I suppose they weren't so bad after all."

Kaylee smiled across at the pilot. "Yeah, it ain't like they realize we don't like 'em. Just in their nature to crawl everywhere, is all."

Mal leaned back in his chair to survey his crew, meeting Inara's eyes as he reached in his shirt pocket and pulled out a handful of tiny black pebbles. The Companion looked away to hide a smile as he tossed them on the table, yelling. "_Ai ya_, there's more of 'em loose!"

He didn't think he'd ever seen his crew clear the table that fast.

~_fin_~  
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